i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
