we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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