Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
