some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
