So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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