1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
