Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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