Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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