Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
