i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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