Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
