happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
