Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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