I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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