do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just pee around me
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
