how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Randomize
