; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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