I am in a vortex of obligation.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
