you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
