So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
