I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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