my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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