My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
