puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
