I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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