Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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