I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
