whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
