All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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