As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize