you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
