I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake