I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
