Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.