That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.