I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.