Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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