Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
