I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
