why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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