So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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