3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
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Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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