It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
