did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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