I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
