sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
