Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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