i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
