my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
