3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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