He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Boobs are out for the taking
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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