Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
