My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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