Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
