she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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