The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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