You just made me feel so damn special
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
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Do I have a choice?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Alive.
So much puke
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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