no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
