so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
