so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
