we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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