Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
