I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize