WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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