I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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