I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
