Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
