things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
