I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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