I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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