He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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