I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
