she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
