I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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