the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
