She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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