In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
