If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
