Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
