I wish I only lived at night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
